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Concerning Comments – Diablo 3 rage reviews

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NOTE: The purpose of this article is purely comedic, and it is not meant to insult, offend, or demean an individual or group in any way.

By now, it’s no secret that a lot of people were not happy with Diablo III‘s launch today. All was not lost, however, as they found refuge in the Metacritic user reviews section, where they were free to expel their inner demons by way of questionable grammar skills. For today’s feature debut of Concerning Comments, In dedication to their hardships and misery, we’ve compiled the very best of the user reviews for you to view here. Be warned, for they will put tears in your eye, even if they happen to be tears of laughter. Comments, commence!

The Hatred Begins

We begin with a user who was so angry at the fact that the game was rated ‘2+’ by PEGI, that he ‘wanted back his cash.’ A noble pursuit, though I’m pretty sure you could have checked the rating on the box.

We then stumble upon this fellow, who was surprised that a game released this year was expensive. He also stated “Why is RPG called?”, though I think he meant to say “Why is RPG cold?”, presumably because he left the game in his freezer in a fit of rage.

Unfortunately for the user below, the game “very disappointed” him. He even came to the conclusion that because the game cost him $100, Blizzard “are fat guys.” You learn something new every day.

Estel thought lowly of Diablo III, explaining that he was disappointed that it didn’t play like “minesweaper.” He does have a point; why did Blizzard use “so mutch” of their time to “makes it boring?”

Then came the heroic 3point7, whose plan of attack was simple but elegant. He called anybody who liked the game an “autistic man child brony” and displayed a continuous stream of rage at error 3.7, the malevolent entity that seems to be causing much of today’s rage.

FalseParadigm is probably finished building a shelter against the “blizzdrones” as we speak. Nevertheless, he’s probably my favorite for his use of the phrase “pay2win”. I see a future for this lad.

Many people disliked Diablo III today, but s*** certainly got real when esteemed rager Gravaviel said that he disliked it “profusely.” Oh, the humanity!

It seems that the chant 3point7 did earlier worked, because at that point Error 37 took physical form and logged onto Metacritic to write his own review. He is, apparently, the embodiment of everything that’s wrong with the game.

Of course, there’s always the option of waiting for “pirates to the solve it.” After all, pirates solve everything.

Or, you could just enable Caps Lock. That works too.

You know your game is bad when people can’t tell it apart from Call of Duty. Enough said.

Luckily, even Roger Ebert’s son was able to swoop in to save the day by calling D3 “the most cancerous game of the century”, and stating that the graphics managed to build a time machine, considering they were from 2001.

One user disagreed with Ebert Jr, however. He stated the game was in fact “cancer killing”, probably due to its whimsical “Disney storytelling” that warms even the hardest of hearts. He also criticized Blizzard’s marketing philosophy, saying it needed to be more subtle. Because, you know, it’s not the marketing department’s job to get people interested in the game, is it?

Finally, we get the ultimate hater. A guy who dislikes the game so much, that he couldn’t even think straight while writing and accidentally called the game a first-person shooter. I’m sure we can all relate to him.

The Retalition

The naysayers did not go unchallenged, however. Several bright-eyed Paladins stormed onto the battlefield, attempting to shower Diablo III with utmost praise. Let’s see how they did.

According to MLGArcane, some “**** retards” just can’t log in, “for ****sake.” He was essentially raging against the ragers; an effective tactic.

The fellow user below was at a loss of words when he witnessed the mangled words before him, as he found that he needed to freeze mid sentence.

Estan, who is probably Estel’s good twin, thinks Diablo III is “absolutely perfect.” Seriously. “It has no flaws and is really fun to play.” Finally, as a sort of insult to Communism, he stated that “the people are pathetic.” Genius.

But you know what the real problem is? Those darn kids. They can’t log onto the game, simply due to the fact that “summer is here.”

We also get this one guy who really likes Diablo III. In fact, he can’t even finish a sentence without mentioning it. The game does tickle him in the pants, after all.

This one has made a brilliant allusion to The Lord of The Rings, stating that those disappointed with the game are like Gollum; they just can’t live without their precious. In fact, they often go so far as to abandon their wives and kids in hotel rooms.

The Winner

Finally, we come to the messiah. A guy so wise that he has found the correct ideology; one of neutrality. That’s right, he doesn’t love or hate the game, he simply thinks it’s ok. This has apparently pleased the gods so much, they turned him into a bunch of slugs. yeah.

 

Come back next week for another side-splitting episode of Concerning Comments, every Thursday here at OnlySP.

 

Now an occasional contributer, Michael Urban is the former Editor-in-Chief at OnlySP and has the nickname "Breadcrab" for reasons his therapist still doesn't understand. From the moment he first got hacked in Runescape, he's been uninterested in multiplayer games and has pursued the beauty of the single-player experience, especially in terms of story and creative design. His hobbies include reading, writing, singing in the shower, pretending to be productive, and providing info and feedback regarding the games industry. It is an industry, right? You can ask him a question or send him spam at michaelurban@www.onlysp.com. Also, follow him on Twitter or the terrorists win. (@MichaelUrban1)

Features

“The Perfect Canvas To Build a Game World On”: Talking Hand-Drawn Horror in the Hills of Mundaun

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Mundaun

The Swiss Alps are best known as a holiday destination. Snow and skiing dominate the public imagining of the region, but horror lies in all hills. The folkloric horror game Mundaun promises to subvert the usual perception of the area.

The horrific twist on an idyllic locale is accompanied by an eye-catching art style like no other in gaming.

With Mundaun being such an intriguing prospect, OnlySP reached out to the game’s director Michel Ziegler to find out more.

OnlySP: Could you please begin by providing a brief description of Mundaun for any of our readers who may not be familiar with the game?

Ziegler: A [while] ago, I came up with the description: a lovingly hand-pencilled horror tale. I like the word tale, because it emphasizes the type of narrative the game is going for. It’s a first-person adventure game inspired by the dark folklore of the alps. The aesthetic is really unique, since I combine hand-pencilled textures with 3D. It’s kind of hard to be brief about what makes the game unique. I think it’s the combination of all the things in there, some pretty well hidden. Mundaun should be a mystery, an enigma.

OnlySP: Curiously, Mundaun is a real place. How accurate a recreation of the landscape is that found in the
game?

Ziegler: The levels are a condensed interpretation of the real thing. It’s more about how that place feels than accurate topology. The steepness of it, the objects and architecture you encounter that is very specific to that place. It wouldn’t be possible to meaningfully populate a large sample of the real mountain range. I want the give the player the feeling that in every corner there could be some small and unique thing to discover.

OnlySP: Do you have any personal connection to the real place? Why did you settle on it as the setting for the game?

Ziegler: My family has had a small holiday flat there since before I was born. I spent many summers and winters up there and so it became like a second home. Especially for a child, the nature feels huge and full of wonders. I would spend my days finding well-hidden spots and imagining adventures. I chose this setting, because it is dear to me and it is full of buildings that are many centuries old. It always felt like a timeless and mysterious place. The perfect canvas to build a game world on. Four years in, it still inspires too many ideas to ever fit into one game.

OnlySP: I’ve seen the game described as ‘folk horror’—following the likes of The Wicker Man and Children of the Corn. Would you consider that to be an accurate assessment of Mundaun?

Ziegler: I think so, even if my game isn’t inspired by those particular works. But I think there is a certain ambiguity to the scenario that makes people immediately think of fiction that has a similar feel in their cultural circle. Even if I draw much inspiration from things that are specific to where I live, I find that the world and tone of Mundaun resonates with people from all around the globe and from different cultural backgrounds. That said, the haymen that haunt you in Mundaun make the comparison to The Wicker Man an obvious one.

OnlySP: If so, what sort of local legends are you drawing on for the source of the horror?

Ziegler: Not really any specific ones. If I had to name one story that influenced the plot of Mundaun, it would  be Jeremias Gotthelf’s The Black Spider. The oppressive mood it conveys has always fascinated me. Also, I loved collections of small folk tales as a child and I think, I’m remixing elements from those, creating my own folk tale. I’m not restricting myself to only local influences at all though. I take everything that I think is interesting and fits the world and universe of Mundaun.

OnlySP: How does the monochromatic art style contribute to the player’s sense of tension?

Ziegler: For one, it invokes the aesthetic of old movies and photographs. For me personally, those often have a sinister quality, hiding something in the dark shadows. In addition to that, the hand-drawn textures give the game the quality of a darkly illustrated picture book.

OnlySP: Speaking of the art style, it certainly is one of the most intriguing elements of Mundaun. How did you come to settle on it, and what is the process by which you bring these hand-drawn artworks to life in the game? When you began, did you have an idea of how much work would be involved?

Ziegler: I just love drawing on paper. I’ve never gotten into drawing digitally much. For a small game prototype (The Colony) I made before Mundaun, I also applied a hand-made approach. I love the combination of hand-made textures with 3D, it’s a strange thing. Pencils just seemed a perfect match for a more dark aesthetic.

The process is similar to the usual 3D process, but with a small detour. After unwrapping the finished 3D model, I print out the UV maps. I trace the outlines to a new drawing paper and then I fill in the actual drawing with pencils. After scanning them back in, I apply them to the models. I probably didn’t properly anticipate, how many drawings I would end up making, because I underestimated, how much Mundaun would grow.

OnlySP: The puzzles that appear in the trailers seem to draw from an older tradition in games wherein they don’t necessarily feel realistic (although that interpretation is, admittedly, based on brief snippets taken out of context). Nevertheless, do you have any concerns that that approach might turn away some players?

Ziegler: Yeah, it’s a concern. I try to make the puzzles quite logical. Playtesting seems to be the key here. I’m not trying to break the flow of the game, the puzzles are just a great way to add detail and flavour to the world. I try to integrate them into the world and make them feel organic and unique to this place.

OnlySP: Aside from the puzzles, what else will players be doing in Mundaun?

Ziegler: Encountering, avoiding, or fighting off different types of enemies. Finding and talking to some of the eccentric native folk. Making coffee, smoking a pipe, carrying around the head of a goat. Driving a chair lift, a hay loader vehicle and a sleigh. There’s a whole lot of different things to discover. I think, the mix of high-stakes death threatening situations with more mundane activities is one of the most interesting qualities of Mundaun.

OnlySP: Explore” seems to be one of the keywords of the game. Does it feature an open-world design, or is it more of a level-to-level affair with expansive levels? And, in total, about how big is the game world

Ziegler: It features three discrete levels, each with their own flavour. You start in an area with meadows and trees and then make your way up to a more sparse, stony area. Then there’s the snow-covered summit region. The levels are quite sizeable and the player is given freedom to explore them, but it is not an open-world design per se. Each part, activity, and task is unique and lovingly hand-crafted.

OnlySP: How long do you expect the average playthrough to last? Or is it still too early to be able to say?

Ziegler: It is a bit early, but I think it’ll be 4-5 hours.

OnlySP: Speaking of, we first came across Mundaun about a year and a half ago. How long has it been in
development?

Ziegler: It has been in development for 4.5 years now.


Ziegler and his team at Hidden Fields are currently targeting a Q1 2020 launch for Mundaun on Mac, PC, and Xbox One.

If your interest is piqued, let us know either in the comments below or on our community Discord server.

Otherwise, be sure to bookmark OnlySP and follow us on FacebookTwitter, and YouTube for all the latest from the world of single-player gaming.

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